ellooo loves

so, this past weekend was so good to my heart, there is something about being in a room full of people that just want to be there to love on Jesus. It was great just sitting there, and taking it all in.
today, was good, nothing to complain about.  but i do think that when you are in a place where you are longing to just be in that place with Jesus that is personal, and intimate, and then you aren't "in" it, as in the room, and atmosphere, things change. not in always bad way, they just change a little. i think that confusion and such sometimes kicks in, and that is to be "expected". i also think in those times are when we really need to just take a step back and breath, and know that God is still who He says He is even if we aren't in that atmosphere, He is still true when you are at the store, or in your car, or in your house, or where ever. He doesn't change. we do. we let silly things distract us from what is important. I think we complicate things, i know i do. i dont mean to, i just do. the past month i have had a change of heart, i really dont want anything unless i know its what God wants. (really) i would choose Him over anything.He was/is my first love, i want what He wants, i long to be with Him. that doesnt mean that my mind doesnt go crazy, it doesnt mean that i dont get super frustrated, and it doenst mean that my life is figured out. cause well...it is all those things, i am all those things. i just know that when it comes down to it, the things that i think i want, or i think i need, if they are God, then they arent worth it, and finding out if its God or just me being me, means i have to seek Him, I have to pray, i have to keep praying until i know, that i know its not me, or it is me. I dont want to run after things just because i think they are what is good and right, i want to run after them because thats what the Lord wants.

i am reading this book...i have skipped around in it some, i was flipping through the pages today, well tonight, when my heart felt like it was everywhere, and i had one of those "what just happened"moments and things didnt add up and this what i found.

"the greatest lie that satan attacks me with is 'you deserve a break today' some of satan's lies are so stupid they're literally ridiculous. as though time away from the secret place is a break. its not a break, its a loss. you missed drinking deeply of the spirit's fountain,you misses being washed and cleansed and renewed in His presence,you missed getting fed by the illumination of God's word,you missed taking the time to clam your hectic heart and hear His precious voice,you missed the intimate communication of the secret garden. as the saying goes, 'you were robbed'"

we need to seek the secret place, we need to dwell in it,  when need to go to it when your heart feel hectic at the drop of a hat, we really need to live in the secret place, or at least i know that i do. i tend to go there when i have time, and it works for me...and then i wonder why things seem to fall apart in me and all around me...goodness...i have had it wrong the whole time. :) and it would be much more easier to switch it. i would much rather living in the secret place, and have the intimate communications of the secret garden. its good. its soo good.   Things get way to out of wack and complicated out side of that place. having to go back and forth is just silly and pointless, i get tired, and drained, and frustrated. i get annoyed with my self when i have to keep "repenting" about not spending time with Him. if i were true in my repentance, then it would be a heart change, and there is...but i dont want to have keep doing it. i want a heart change that sticks. thankfully there is Grace, and Love that is unconditional and a heart that understands. things are never as complicated as we think. we make them that way when we take things into our own hands and try to deal and fix them. as if we can actually do it. its all really simple...Love the Lord your God with ALL  your heart soul and mind"

love.