i have been in hibernation for awhile now, and while, its been hard, its also been one of my sweetest times with the Lord. I have been able to work, and do school and most importantly, i have been able to spend time with my family alot more. i was able to go home alot when dad was here, and somehow was given an week off to spend time with them. It was different having him home this time, Gracyn is a year old now, and of course she fell in love with her spop, my heart was in a different place, i was able to handle my dad telling me things about his job, and some changes that were taking place, and while no, i dont ever like to hear it, i was able to accept it in a way that i have not in the past. My dad is amazing man, and he loves the Lord, and he has put his faith and trust in the lord to provide and look after his family when he is gone, i look up to my dad more than i think people know, and people know i am a strait up daddy's girl, no question. when he left, it seemed like things were changing not in a a bad way at all, the whole family was at a better place, i dont know what that means, i just know the Lord is doing something.
When i got back to greenville after he had to go back to work, i could feel something in my changing...and those changes hurt, it wasnt because dad had left, i knew that he was safe, and doing what the Lord had asked of him. my heart started to become hard, and ugly, and i really couldnt figure it out, i started to miss my friends, and hanging out, and talking about nothing, and talking about the important things, i just missed laughing. i had gone months with being okay with just hanging out with the Lord. about a week after feeling this way, a guy that was teaching my class i think it was Matt Peterson, the pastor of MorningStar Winston Salem, was talking about 2 commandments. Matthew 22:37-38 Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." alright most of us know the first one by heart, and we try to live by that, but how many of us forget the second one? i know that i do, well, as Matt was talking, he said "you dont just want to have intimacy with God, you also need to your neighbor as your self, you have to love people, go to them, not just love them from your heart, you have to have both, a deep intimacy, and the going out and loving people" at the time i thought this was good, he compared it to an airplane, a plane has to have 2 wings,(i think they are wings, if not, you know what i mean.) if one of them stops working then the plane will crash.
from this class on, it seemed that every class was about learning who you are in God and learning to love who you are. This has really been on my heart. I thought that i loved who i was, i thought that i knew who i was, but in fact, i had did not love myself the way that i should, and while, i did know something about who i was, i didnt get the whole picture, and if it wasn't for my awesome hibernation time, i wouldn't have gotten it. the world sees me (us) as a messed up people, and we are, but thats not how the lord sees it. He sees us as whole, that is how we should see who we are, and i dont think that you can love anyone to the fullest, unless you love who you are...so then how can we make command two happen? we first must get the first one. We need to start walking out how God sees us, not how people around us and the rest of the world sees us. its lame. they see us as lame. and we are...but...good thing we have Jesus, who died to take all that away. He didn't die to take away past sins...He died for all sins, and we should give him more props than we do. how many of us would do the same? would we give up our life to save someone? we say we would, but would we? we might do it for a few people...but Jesus didn't do it for a few people, He did it for all of us. just saying...and no, i am no where close to being Jesus, but i am working on it, we are to be more like him everyday.
i also think that we put God in a small box when it comes to things, we think that he can only take care of a few things and people at one time...but hello! HE IS GOD. and he is pretty awesome of taking care of everyone, all sides of everything, He doest just say, welp. thats a huge mess i cant fix, nope, he actually can fix it, and if we would just take time to hear him, and let him use us... then well, there ya go, more like Him.
life happens and things get hard, no question about that. but, He is faithful, to keep His promises and see them though. yesterday morning shep was at the Boiler Room and i went and joined her for a little bit, and i walked in, and it was like nothing in the world mattered, everything i had been carrying and worrying about was gone as soon as i opened the door to the prayer room. i dont know how else to put it, but as soon i was there, and sat down. i was full of peace, i didnt care who was there,who wasnt, or what was going to be waiting for me when i left, none of that seemed to matter to me. it was great to say the least. then last night i went to 6:22 @ the boiler room and the same thing happened. i walked in, and once again, all the thoughts in my head were gone, it was really nice. as things got started, i was sitting in the back i saw this group of people, i guess they were about 16&17 years old, idk. i am bad with ages, and i first i didnt think any of it...but as the night went on, i finally went to shep and ran something by her and went and talked to one of the girls, turns out, she had lost one of her best friends a few months back in a 4 wheeling accident, so i prayed for her, the best i could, i wasn't really prepared, (even tho we are to be prepared all the time.) as i started talking and praying with her, my heart was sad, and i told her i didnt know what to say to her, and that i wasnt going to say i knew how she felt, because i didnt, but i prayed for her. later the band that was leading worship started to play "How He Loves Us" and shep came up to me and was like, you should tell her what this song is about...and i just looked at her no lie was like you do it, and shep was like no, you can do it, and so i did and i knew the moment i walked over to her, that i was going to tear up.. cause there was a bigger lesson in it. after the night was over the girl came and talked to me and said thank you and all that and was really encouraged and at peace when she left.
when i got home i started to think about that, how random it was for her to being hurting for the reason she was, and how random out of all the songs the band could have played, they played that one. and it hit me, that God really is the comforter,He really does care. and what may seem like a small act to some, has a huge impact on someone else. I couldn't imagine being 17 and loosing my best friend, she said that he was found in his back yard by his dad and little brother. i dont know, i have to take comfort in God and know that He has all sides everyone in His hands. i will say, the girl, most deff goes down in my book as one of the strongest girls i have meet. not only did she have the courage to talk to someone she didnt know, and had never seen before, she also asked Jesus to live in heart the same night. Jesus is good, and He has everything under control.
love.
from this class on, it seemed that every class was about learning who you are in God and learning to love who you are. This has really been on my heart. I thought that i loved who i was, i thought that i knew who i was, but in fact, i had did not love myself the way that i should, and while, i did know something about who i was, i didnt get the whole picture, and if it wasn't for my awesome hibernation time, i wouldn't have gotten it. the world sees me (us) as a messed up people, and we are, but thats not how the lord sees it. He sees us as whole, that is how we should see who we are, and i dont think that you can love anyone to the fullest, unless you love who you are...so then how can we make command two happen? we first must get the first one. We need to start walking out how God sees us, not how people around us and the rest of the world sees us. its lame. they see us as lame. and we are...but...good thing we have Jesus, who died to take all that away. He didn't die to take away past sins...He died for all sins, and we should give him more props than we do. how many of us would do the same? would we give up our life to save someone? we say we would, but would we? we might do it for a few people...but Jesus didn't do it for a few people, He did it for all of us. just saying...and no, i am no where close to being Jesus, but i am working on it, we are to be more like him everyday.
i also think that we put God in a small box when it comes to things, we think that he can only take care of a few things and people at one time...but hello! HE IS GOD. and he is pretty awesome of taking care of everyone, all sides of everything, He doest just say, welp. thats a huge mess i cant fix, nope, he actually can fix it, and if we would just take time to hear him, and let him use us... then well, there ya go, more like Him.
life happens and things get hard, no question about that. but, He is faithful, to keep His promises and see them though. yesterday morning shep was at the Boiler Room and i went and joined her for a little bit, and i walked in, and it was like nothing in the world mattered, everything i had been carrying and worrying about was gone as soon as i opened the door to the prayer room. i dont know how else to put it, but as soon i was there, and sat down. i was full of peace, i didnt care who was there,who wasnt, or what was going to be waiting for me when i left, none of that seemed to matter to me. it was great to say the least. then last night i went to 6:22 @ the boiler room and the same thing happened. i walked in, and once again, all the thoughts in my head were gone, it was really nice. as things got started, i was sitting in the back i saw this group of people, i guess they were about 16&17 years old, idk. i am bad with ages, and i first i didnt think any of it...but as the night went on, i finally went to shep and ran something by her and went and talked to one of the girls, turns out, she had lost one of her best friends a few months back in a 4 wheeling accident, so i prayed for her, the best i could, i wasn't really prepared, (even tho we are to be prepared all the time.) as i started talking and praying with her, my heart was sad, and i told her i didnt know what to say to her, and that i wasnt going to say i knew how she felt, because i didnt, but i prayed for her. later the band that was leading worship started to play "How He Loves Us" and shep came up to me and was like, you should tell her what this song is about...and i just looked at her no lie was like you do it, and shep was like no, you can do it, and so i did and i knew the moment i walked over to her, that i was going to tear up.. cause there was a bigger lesson in it. after the night was over the girl came and talked to me and said thank you and all that and was really encouraged and at peace when she left.
when i got home i started to think about that, how random it was for her to being hurting for the reason she was, and how random out of all the songs the band could have played, they played that one. and it hit me, that God really is the comforter,He really does care. and what may seem like a small act to some, has a huge impact on someone else. I couldn't imagine being 17 and loosing my best friend, she said that he was found in his back yard by his dad and little brother. i dont know, i have to take comfort in God and know that He has all sides everyone in His hands. i will say, the girl, most deff goes down in my book as one of the strongest girls i have meet. not only did she have the courage to talk to someone she didnt know, and had never seen before, she also asked Jesus to live in heart the same night. Jesus is good, and He has everything under control.
love.
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