welcoming 27...

oh dear...27 is here...a look over the past year...it really seems like FOREVER!
i really have been a  private person,  no one can hurt me, if they dont know me...right? so so wrong...no matter how private of life you wish to have, you are still going to get hurt. i think that might be the biggest lesson i have learned of the past year...its been a really hard one...i got stuck in the mindset, that people are going to talk and think what they want, so why try to change? a few weeks ago, it hit me...that by not being more open, people dont know me, and i dont really know me. (i dont think that i will ever fully know me.) i have found that i have become someone who would rather be at home, locked away in my apartment, not caring if i have any interaticion with anyone...this is not me, this not me at all. now, yes. i have enjoyed this time...i really have, i have gotten alot closer the heart of the Father, and i have grown closer to a few people that i would talk to...season change...and this one is changing...its kinda like learning to walk again (not that i remember when i was learning to walk) when you fall, you get back up...its scary when you fall, but you can't just sit there in the same spot for the rest of you life, and sure, you can crawl, but i think that ends up hurting more than just getting up and trying again. so 27...we are learning to walk again.  being a private person, i totally think is good to some point...not everyone needs to know everything. plus, what is done, is done. I have had time to heal, i have had time to learn, i have had time to miss, i have time to just sit with the Lord. I am ready to build relationships with people...i have missed this part of me alot...more than i knew until the past few weeks. and the truth is we NEED  fellowship. we need people. God didnt create us to get by in life alone. We are the body, if one is hurt, lost, in pain, the body can only work the way its meant to for so long, its not right nor fair to sit in your pain for the rest of your life. we all nee each other.  We are in a new season, i am in a new season...its time to embrace it!!

i was truly dreading turning 27... i really thought i would be married (or at least dating) i thought i would have a house, i thought i would be traveling doing ministry...and well, none of that has happened...and i am okay with that. i like where i am, and i know the Lord knows my heart on all the mushy stuff, i know that Hes got it all under control, and i like my apartment, it is my home. and i LOVE being at the Boiler Room, and with 6:22, i love the community that i am apart of. i love that its a growing community! i love being able to learn the depths of the Lord with people that do know me. I love that i can be honest, and they can be honest, i like the realness. i am welcoming 27, the Lord has changed my heart...FOR REAL. this is a season of life. of love. of grace, of mercy, of seeing promises fullfilled. i feel free again, as silly as it sounds, i feel like a bird...haha, but think about it...a bird has a home, it has a nest...the nest is (most of the time) set in a tree...high in a tree to where not much can get to it, the tree that the nest sits in, is strong. it has roots, it is shelter, it is shade, ect...so the bird, that lives in the nest, that sits in the tree, can go out and fly, it can go and explore, it can go and see and experience things, it can "go with the wind' it can just be, it can go get what it need to live, and it comes home. home is a tree, that has deep roots..AND to take it one step further...birds...rarely is it just one bird...but its a community of birds...and when the winds blow, and the storms come...they stick together. we can learn alot from birds and trees...(its okay to laugh at me (: ) and if the Lord can take care of the birds...then surly He can/will/is/does take care of us (matthew 6:26) and if He can make the roots of trees go deep in the ground, and not be moved by storms (psalms 1:3 and jeremaiah 17:8) then He can/will/is doing the same to us. i like it.

A Noisy Gong.

So on the media fast, i said that i wanted to look at 1st Corinthians 13. Well, that was the plan, but it didnt happen, i wanted to look more at the whole chapter. I only got to 1-3.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.If I have the gift of ⁽prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.(nasb)

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.(the message)

The second or third day of the fast i sat down in the back of the prayer room in the "booth" open my bible, and was ready. i was ready to dive into everything that was in the 13th chapter of 1st Corinthians...but when I read "if i speak with the tongues of men and of angles, but i do not have love, i have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal" and i started thinking...how annoying i would be if i kept having a gong or a cymbal in my ear. think about it...its fine for a little bit, maybe for like five seconds, and then i want to walk away. then i started to think how many times someone has spoken to me, and how i was fine for a little bit, and then it just got on my nerves...and i couldn't figure out why...and then i started to think how God feels when we just talk. (yes, he loves when we talk to Him.) then i thought about all the times that i have talked to God and nothing i said was in love. my heart was all jacked up. things i did i just did them, to do them...some times with love, sometimes with out...sooooo how does that sound to God? if i do something just to do it, or i say something just to say something? dont get my wrong , i know that God loves me...no strings attached..he loves me when i dont love. he loves me when i do love, He loves me. i know that...i am just saying...think about it...think about how annoyed, mad, upset we get when  someone does something or says something and we know they are just doing it to do it, or  saying it to say it? and then think about how we feel when someone says/does something in love, with love?  How does it make Jesus feel when we say we are doing something in the name of His father, but we dont have love, we dont do it in love? how does it make God feel that we are doing something in the name of His son, Who loves us, (and died for us...because He LOVES us?) but we do/say things just because....not in love or with love. OUCH! 

People always say that love is a big word. and never really understood that, at least when i was younger i didn't. When you choose to "follow" God, and ask Jesus in your heart...you choose to love. God is Love.(1st John 4:8) So I think,  when you choose God, you choose Love. when you choose love, you have to gain a new understanding of love, a right understanding a love. Love is a HUGE word! There is so much wrapped up in such a small word. 

So...to end this for now...if we dont have love (which is God) then we have nothing. 

4.23.11

So much as happened in the past 4o days! i dont really even know where to start. so this blog post is going to be mostly pictures.

 March Burn.

Interns praying for people @ Block Party.

Cory turned 25

(plus a cute Shiloh pic)

Gracyn at the Zoo

thats all i have for now. LOVE!