i really have been a private person, no one can hurt me, if they dont know me...right? so so wrong...no matter how private of life you wish to have, you are still going to get hurt. i think that might be the biggest lesson i have learned of the past year...its been a really hard one...i got stuck in the mindset, that people are going to talk and think what they want, so why try to change? a few weeks ago, it hit me...that by not being more open, people dont know me, and i dont really know me. (i dont think that i will ever fully know me.) i have found that i have become someone who would rather be at home, locked away in my apartment, not caring if i have any interaticion with anyone...this is not me, this not me at all. now, yes. i have enjoyed this time...i really have, i have gotten alot closer the heart of the Father, and i have grown closer to a few people that i would talk to...season change...and this one is changing...its kinda like learning to walk again (not that i remember when i was learning to walk) when you fall, you get back up...its scary when you fall, but you can't just sit there in the same spot for the rest of you life, and sure, you can crawl, but i think that ends up hurting more than just getting up and trying again. so 27...we are learning to walk again. being a private person, i totally think is good to some point...not everyone needs to know everything. plus, what is done, is done. I have had time to heal, i have had time to learn, i have had time to miss, i have time to just sit with the Lord. I am ready to build relationships with people...i have missed this part of me alot...more than i knew until the past few weeks. and the truth is we NEED fellowship. we need people. God didnt create us to get by in life alone. We are the body, if one is hurt, lost, in pain, the body can only work the way its meant to for so long, its not right nor fair to sit in your pain for the rest of your life. we all nee each other. We are in a new season, i am in a new season...its time to embrace it!!
i was truly dreading turning 27... i really thought i would be married (or at least dating) i thought i would have a house, i thought i would be traveling doing ministry...and well, none of that has happened...and i am okay with that. i like where i am, and i know the Lord knows my heart on all the mushy stuff, i know that Hes got it all under control, and i like my apartment, it is my home. and i LOVE being at the Boiler Room, and with 6:22, i love the community that i am apart of. i love that its a growing community! i love being able to learn the depths of the Lord with people that do know me. I love that i can be honest, and they can be honest, i like the realness. i am welcoming 27, the Lord has changed my heart...FOR REAL. this is a season of life. of love. of grace, of mercy, of seeing promises fullfilled. i feel free again, as silly as it sounds, i feel like a bird...haha, but think about it...a bird has a home, it has a nest...the nest is (most of the time) set in a tree...high in a tree to where not much can get to it, the tree that the nest sits in, is strong. it has roots, it is shelter, it is shade, ect...so the bird, that lives in the nest, that sits in the tree, can go out and fly, it can go and explore, it can go and see and experience things, it can "go with the wind' it can just be, it can go get what it need to live, and it comes home. home is a tree, that has deep roots..AND to take it one step further...birds...rarely is it just one bird...but its a community of birds...and when the winds blow, and the storms come...they stick together. we can learn alot from birds and trees...(its okay to laugh at me (: ) and if the Lord can take care of the birds...then surly He can/will/is/does take care of us (matthew 6:26) and if He can make the roots of trees go deep in the ground, and not be moved by storms (psalms 1:3 and jeremaiah 17:8) then He can/will/is doing the same to us. i like it.
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