I like where i live. i have been here in my apartment going on 4 years, i like it, sure it has its ups and down, and you get neighbors that are a bit loud and such. a week ago tonight, i experienced something, i never thought i would, nor have i ever wanted to. with out going into what happened, lets just say, it has placed alot of fear in me, a fear that i have worked really hard most of my life not to have.
a few days ago, i thought that i would just go with the theory that i made it up, and that what happened didn't really happen. i was fine with that. Friday i was outside working on my car, and one of my neighbors came over to help me, and well, my theory went out the window, and needless to say what happened, actually happened. the fear grew a little more. after church today, i went to get something to eat, and came home, and one of my other neighbors came out, and started talking to me, and asked me how i was, and i told her. and she sat and talked with me for about 30 minutes telling me what went down, but at the same time it brought alot of comfort, knowing that just because a few of my neighbors are stupid and cant get a grip on anger, i have those that if i needed anything, i know that they would be there, and that i can count on them. I am not good at letting people in, and letting people know my fears, because to me, i know they are fears, and they are stupid, but my neighbor, was really understanding, and assured me that everything had been taken care of. i thanked her, almost in tears, even tho i dont know her, i dont even know her name, i know that she looks out for me, and i know that my other neighbors do too. the Lord is so faithful. He knows my fears, and he knows why i have them, even if it looks stupid to others, my fears are real, and they are something i have to work though, and keep working though them. and its hard, because i know people don't understand, and how can they if i don't open up about them. the fact the lord loves me enough to know this about me, and puts people in my life and around me to look out for me even when i don't know, touches my heart, in a way that it hasn't been touched before.

I think most girls out there, long to feel that they are protected, and more than that, i think that we want to know that we are protected. i also think that for most girls, (me) its hard to let people do that. i dont know why, i know for me its because i dont want to "bug" people. i have lived on my own for almost 8 years. i have gotten use to doing things on my own, and being on my own, and taking care of myself. So to let someone in to that, is hard. the fears i have tend to make me go over some edge. I dont let my fears show much, but when i do, i think that it reminds people that i dont have it all together, i dont know all the answers, i dont know how to deal with some things, and so on.  i have fears, the lord is working on me. i want to feel and know that i am  protected. i want to know that someone has my back, and someone is watching out for me. i feel like i am just getting to the place where i am letting people do that.

Jesus is good. Jesus is faithful, Jesus knows my fears and is walking them out with me.
love.